Self Esteem

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop and look fear in the face …. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

The Benefits of Self-Confidence

The other day I was speaking with someone who asked me how I would sum up self-esteem.


I said,” It is the relationship you have with yourself. It is the most important relationship you will ever have. This relationship is everything. It is the GPS of your life.”



It determines how you live your life, what you will accomplish in your life, your outcomes, and even your relationships.


So, what is self-esteem?


Your self-esteem is your self-perception.


It is the identity you have taken. This identity either makes you act with confidence or it fills you with insecurity and anxiety.


When you feel insecure the world can feel like a hostile place. A place where very few people like you.


 The world can feel like a place where others reject, judge, or criticize you. A place that can make it difficult for you to venture out of your home to go to social places. Social interactions become painful. The world becomes a fearful place, where you are afraid to ask for what you want.


You may find yourself coming up with excuses to miss social events to not ask for your needs to be met. You may your turn off your camera during Zoom staff meetings.


When you are filled with insecurity you get tongue tied in front of other people. This happens even when you are knowledgeable in the topic of discussion. You may also get tongue-tied when in a conflict with someone, only for the things you could have said come back after the conflict is over.


You feel unseen, unheard, ignored, uncared for, rejected, criticized, etc.,


You do not feel good enough. You are filled with self-doubt.


When you feel like you are not good enough, you may retreat, hide yourself, and withdraw from life.


If you see yourself and as not being good enough, or as incompetent, it is irrelevant how intelligent you are.


You will act as if you are less intelligent or less competent.  Why? Because you act the way you see yourself or believe yourself to be. You act according to your self-identity.


Other people’s reassurances of your value, worth, beauty, or intelligence will not work. This is because you have assumed the identity of an incompetent person.


Inadvertently and often unconsciously, you will seek evidence and do things to support the identity you have assumed. But this undermines who you truly are.


Although it can feel as if you have no control over your self-esteem, the reality is that you do. You are NOT doomed to go through life this way. Insecurity does not need to be a life-sentence.


You can change your self-esteem. You can go from lacking self-confidence to being a confident person.


Many people have done it and so can you.


If you are struggling with low self-esteem, I can help.


Email me at:


Or call me at:  571 341 7249

When you work with me

When you work with me, I will arm you with the tools you need to forge your own path of self-confidence. Unlike the generic, one size fits all, confidence builders that don’t work, I will provide you with an individualized plan and skills customized for you. I will help you be you. You don’t need anyone’s permission to be you.

My process involves

If you don’t think you are worthy, you are doomed before you begin!

Memories About Our Interaction

Not only do we learn by imitating the behaviors of our primary care-givers but our deep memories about our interaction with them is encoded unconsciously and influences our self-view. We see ourselves the way they saw us and treat ourselves the way they treated us. Thus, from these early relationships we form our self-identity. If our primary early figures see think and treat us well we flourish. If they abuse use and mistreat us we wilt and this is manifested in our self-view.

It has been said that self-esteem is based on 3 vital beliefs:

People who struggle with low-self-esteem have difficulties it at least one but often all 3 of the above.