Self-Esteem: The Most Important Relationship In Your Life

The other day I was speaking with someone who asked me how I would sum up self-esteem.

I said, ”It is the relationship you have with yourself. It is the most important relationship you will ever have. This relationship is everything. It is the GPS of your life.”

Your self-esteem determines how you live your life, what you will accomplish, even the quality of your relationships.

So, what is self-esteem?

Your self-esteem is your self-perception. It is the identity you have taken. This identity either makes you act with confidence or fills you with insecurity and anxiety.

When you feel insecure, the world can feel like a hostile place — a place where very few people like you, where others reject, judge, or criticize you. It can be difficult to venture out of your home, to go to social places. Social interactions become painful. The world becomes a fear-filled place, where you are afraid to ask for what you want.

You may find yourself coming up with excuses to miss social events, or to not ask for your needs to be met. You may turn off your camera during Zoom staff meetings, or sit in the back corner during personal attendance at events.

When you are filled with insecurity, you may become tongue-tied in front of other people, even when you are knowledgeable about the topic of discussion. You may also clam up in a conflict, only to have what you could have said come back after the conflict is over.

You may feel unseen, unheard, ignored, uncared for, rejected, criticized, etc.,

You may not feel “good enough.” You may be filled with self-doubt.

With low self-esteem, you may retreat, hide yourself, and withdraw from life.

Low self-esteem may lead you to feel inadequate or incompetent regardless of how intelligent you are. As a result, you may act as if you are less intelligent or competent. Why? Because you act the way you see yourself, or believe yourself to be. You act according to your self-identity.

Other people’s reassurances of your value, worth, beauty, or intelligence may have no effect on your self-perception, because you have assumed the identity of an incompetent person.

Inadvertently and often unconsciously, you may seek evidence and take actions to support the inferior identity you have assumed. This undermines who you truly are.

Although it can feel as if you have no control over your self-esteem, the reality is that you do. You are not doomed to go through life this way. Insecurity does not need to be a life sentence.

You can change your self-esteem. You can go from lacking self-confidence to being a confident person. Many people have done it, and so can you.

If you are struggling with low self-esteem, I can help. Contact me for a free initial consultation.